We're home

Nothing eventfull to talk about really. I hate DC traffic, I loved being close to my Virginia family. Had fun at the toLabor workshop, learned a lot, palpated a baby, listened (or atleast tried!) to heart tones, and did a vaginal exam. Very informated. Kailey had a blast being spoiled by Aunt Bonnie, Aunt Trish and Erica. She told me when she got home that she didn't want to leave. I would move to DC in a heartbeat to be closer to them!

It's finally here!

Tomorrow we leave for Virginia and Friday is the start of the toLabor workshop!! I'm so excited and a bit nervous. I'm going to pick up a blood pressure cuff so Caitlyn can show me how to take a BP reading. I'm ready to officially become a doula, then all have have to do is the required reading, attend some childbirth classes and then BIRTHS!!

So Bittersweet...

I just went through the girls' baby clothes that I saved for sentimental reasons to give them to Erica. So I baby oxicleaned the stains, washed them, and reminisced. I can't believe Kailey is going to be 7 and Ashlyn is 5. I remember them wearing this clothes and where they were wearing them. I did keep one outfit that both girls wore to their first doctors appointment at just a couple days old. Anyway, the stains came out and they look brand new. I hope Erica likes them. In addition to the hand me downs, I've been going a nuts in the clearance sections of the baby departments. =) I really, really, really would have liked another girl.

Power Outage, Birthday Party, Oh My!

Friday night we had some wicked storms roll through. The winds were 70 miles an hour and with the second gust, the power was out! I ran to Meijer for a generator so our basement didn't flood. Saturday morning the power was still out and the bowling alley Kailey's birthday party was going to be held at also didn't have power. So last minute change of location, we ended up at school and had her party on the playground! It was much cheaper than bowling and the kids had a lot of fun. Her party started at 2pm and at 2pm the power came on, it was so typical for us. Thanks Murphy.

Ashlyn's 5th Birthday!!

Ashlyn's birthday was on the 11th. She requested to go camping, so we went to Portage Lake. The weather man called for rain and thunderstorms all weekend. So we brough the computer monitor and laptop and movies for the kids when the rain came. Friday night she opened her presents and had cake while we ordered pizza for dinner. LOL It was so hot and Jesse nor I wanted to cook.

Saturday was a fun filled day. We went swimming, the kids went to the playground while Grandpa took Ayden fishing. The kids also made friends with the kids the camp site next to us. Around 10-10:30 it rained for about 20 minutes and that was it. Sunday we packed it up and headed home.

That whole weekend she kept saying "this is the best birthday, ever!"

Riley's 6 Months and Ashlyn's 5 (almost!)

And he had his 6 months appointment. He weighs 14lbs 11oz and 26". He's my little peanut and he's doing very well.

Ashlyn had her Kindergarten and 5 year appointment. She is ready for Kindergarten, but got 3 shots.

Dylan also got 2 shots and the doctor said to give him 6-8 weeks to see how his bahavior goes.

Breathing deep

Okay, today is mildly better. I think my body being all out of whack and in pain isn't helping my attitude or ability to cope with Dylan's behavior, tantrums, and screaming. Riley is only waking to nurse once a night and is now in his own bed for the majority of the night. But I feel like I slept more comfortable before when he was in our bed all night. Since he's moved into his room, my back and neck hurt! Maybe it's just stress, I don't know. On top of that I sprained my ankle a few months ago. I got it adjusted last Friday and on Tuesday my achilles on that foot started to hurt. I got that adjusted on Tuesday and it's still really bothering me. I didn't do anything to it over the weekend.

Jesse thinks I'm doing too much for everyone but I feel bored out of my mind! I was on OCC's website last night just looking for something to take over the summer. I'm freaking bored! I have my PTO stuff, but that's coming to an end for the summer and even that's hard to do with Dylan's tantrums. He's like a time bomb and I'm just waiting for him to go off. It makes me so sad because he wasn't like this a year ago. I feel like I go in circles with Jesse about enrolling now in AAMI. Once you enroll you have a time period to complete which is about 3 1/2 years. When I asked him about it again last night he said what he always says "I though you were doing your doula stuff first..." I AM doing the doula stuff now, I have my workshop in a couple weeks then it's reading, reading, reading and I should start taking clients. I am signed up for AAMI midwifery skills lab in October and would like to enroll after that since I'll get a small discount because I took the lab.

At least I can report that Jesse now realizes how frustrated I am with Dylan and he's going to find a therapist (not really, but someone who can help) with his behavior or help me help him and learn how to calm him. Jesse wants to know more about the naturopath, but I don't have any answers for him. I just hope she can help.

Nope, today is not better

I can't handle Dylan and even texted Jesse that I was packing up and leaving tonight. So yes, I'm teatering on the breaking point. I can't even believe I'm sharing this here. Yep, just give me the Worse Mother of the Year award now, please.

Stethoscope

I did buy my stethoscope yesterday. It was 100.00 with tax and I haven't even told Jesse about it yet because I'm sure he'll bit my head off. Oh well, I have my Quickutz Shilouette on ebay right now. Hopefully it sells.

Missing my Lexapro today.

I haven't been on my meds for about a year now and I've been doing pretty well. But today I think I'm going to snap. It's not been a good day, I want to get away without the kids. I want a date with my husband without a child in tow. I want to start midwifery school, take doula clients, and go to school without worrying about who is going to watch my kids and Jesse getting pissed because someone watching the kids is expensive. I want some part of me back. I'm sick of Dylan's tantrums, I sick of him not talking, banging on the door when it's time for a nap, and I'm just at my witts end with him. I need my husband to stop telling me it's normal...something IS NOT RIGHT!

I do not want to be home with the kids this summer. It's horrible to say, but even this morning, Ayden was crying like a baby because I told him he couldn't play on the Xbox before school. He was hitting Kailey or Ashlyn, can't remember for sure who it was now, Ashlyn was hitting Kailey, and I swear I feel like I'm going to snap on them. I'm dreading this summer.

I'm even sick of my husband for not helping me more or letting enroll in AAMI now, and not really supporting me...or at least that's how I feel. Dylan's going to a naturopath on the 16th and Jesse's asking me how much it's going to cost. I honestly don't know but I've heard it's expensive. So he told me to find out and he'll probably tell me he doesn't want Dylan going. If he does let me go, I know that a few appts are needed to treat any allergies. I feel so completely alone, ignored, and everything else.

Memorial Day

Yesterday was Memorial Day. We started the day with curling Kailey's hair for the Walled Lake Parade. We got her there with only a few minutes to spare and found a place to park and sit to enjoy the parade. Kailey was mad because she had a ride the float this year because I didn't know she needed a different shirt to walk it. It was the hottest Memorial Day in my memory, so it's good she rode the float, it was too hot to be walking! I even got to give Tink a little love. Tink is Marqui's new doggie, ya know the 5lb dogs, a Yorkie maybe? Too cute!

Then we headed home to get ready for Chris, Jen, and the girls to come over. Josh and Melissa were going to come, but Kieran was sick. But we still had a great time though it rained some. We let the kids play in the rain and puddles until it lightening. They loved it!! Even had a bon fire in the rain. We moved the canopy closer to the fire pit and enjoyed sitting fire side for a few hours. It was a lot of fun!