Missing my Lexapro today.

I haven't been on my meds for about a year now and I've been doing pretty well. But today I think I'm going to snap. It's not been a good day, I want to get away without the kids. I want a date with my husband without a child in tow. I want to start midwifery school, take doula clients, and go to school without worrying about who is going to watch my kids and Jesse getting pissed because someone watching the kids is expensive. I want some part of me back. I'm sick of Dylan's tantrums, I sick of him not talking, banging on the door when it's time for a nap, and I'm just at my witts end with him. I need my husband to stop telling me it's normal...something IS NOT RIGHT!

I do not want to be home with the kids this summer. It's horrible to say, but even this morning, Ayden was crying like a baby because I told him he couldn't play on the Xbox before school. He was hitting Kailey or Ashlyn, can't remember for sure who it was now, Ashlyn was hitting Kailey, and I swear I feel like I'm going to snap on them. I'm dreading this summer.

I'm even sick of my husband for not helping me more or letting enroll in AAMI now, and not really supporting me...or at least that's how I feel. Dylan's going to a naturopath on the 16th and Jesse's asking me how much it's going to cost. I honestly don't know but I've heard it's expensive. So he told me to find out and he'll probably tell me he doesn't want Dylan going. If he does let me go, I know that a few appts are needed to treat any allergies. I feel so completely alone, ignored, and everything else.